Last year I met a man who told me he wanted to simplify his life. He wanted to semi-retire from the day-to-day stress of running his business. He wanted to focus on projects that would feed his spirit. And he wanted to travel. As a single man in a state of transition, he said he “was not good boyfriend material.” A serious relationship would complicate life.
At the time we met, he intended to settle close to the ocean so he could spend time kayaking and walking on the beach. He would split his time between two homes as he let go of the responsibilities of running his business. He was in the process of refurbishing a guest house on a property owned by a recent ex-girlfriend. His work was payment for his rental agreement with her. It seemed like a good plan, but it was difficult to keep with the plan. Wherever he was, he needed to be in the other place. And then there was the time spent commuting. From the beginning, the arrangement was fraught with problems which arise from lover’s quarrels and broken dreams. He now faces legal action and is forced to leave the little nest he created. Since he still wants to make the move, now he must go through the process of finding another home. Of course, the process will take more time and effort. Hardly simple.
In order to let go of the responsibilities, he planned to find a manager he could trust to take care of things. And he wanted to know that he had a “go to guy” to depend upon to take the burden off of him. He made the choice to hire the son of another ex-girlfriend who turned out to be an incompetent worker without the necessary skills. He wasted his money and his time and effort in training and hand-holding. Because he has no time to write an ad, place an ad, or interview a replacement, he settles and stresses. Not a simple solution.
During the year, I watched as he dealt with the debris left behind by other failed relationships. Another girlfriend walked away. And then he chose to actively pursue a relationship with a woman as she was moving to another state! Creating new relationships requires time. And long-distance relationships require even more time and effort. Distracts you. Keeps you busy. Far from simple.
A very intelligent, creative and educated man creates things he does not want in his life. He tells me now he has no time. He’s feeling really stressed. He wants to escape. There is no peace.
Time. We all get 24 hours every day. And we get to choose how we spend it. Someone once said we should have 8 hours of rest, 8 hours of work and 8 hours of play every day. Wow! I would love the 8 hours of play! Sometimes that happens but mostly not. Where does the time go? We spend our days doing the same thing over and over and talking about the somedays when things will be different. Someday I will lose weight. Someday I will be free of debt. Someday I will simplify. In the meantime, today I will eat more comfort food. Today, I will worry how I will pay the bills. Today I will make another choice that does not honor me.
When you honor your life, it honors you with joyful abundance and enough time in your life for what is truly important. If you do not live on purpose, your life can take on a bizarre momentum. You never have enough time and life lives you! When you get quiet and go within you will remember all that is important in your life. You are comfortable with who you are. You can let go of limits and fears because you know you are on the right path.
When you fill your life with busy, you create a noise that hides you from yourself and the life you want to be living. You may blame circumstances or other people or even your own shortcomings; but in the end, you are responsible for your conscious choices and the life you are creating. It really is that simple. I hope the man who wished to find peace in his life will come to understand that.
Are you busy living your life? Or is life living you? Do your find yourself drawn into surviving the day rather that eagerly anticipating spending time doing what you value doing? Let’s go back to that idea of spending 8 hours every day working. Some do less but most do a whole lot more. And what about 8 hours of sleep every night? Doubtful. The national average is less than 7 hours. Which brings us back to the idea of having 8 hours every day to spend our time at play. Yummy thought, isn’t it? What would you choose to do with your playtime? You could be physical and play games, run and jump and ride your bike. You could enjoy relaxing in the shade of a tree while you read a novel about faraway places. You could learn a new skill or practice an old one. You could enjoy the company of your family, friends and loved ones cultivating your relationships. You could immerse yourself in you. Every day. 8 hours. I know you’re resisting the idea. It sounds impossible. You could NEVER have 8 hours every day! How about 4? Could you do 4? Or 2? I think you’re worth 2 hours, do you?
I invite you to become aware of your day to day activities. Pay attention to how you are spending your hours. Or are they spending you? Procrastination takes time. Multi-tasking takes more time. Putting out fires and then cleaning up takes more time than planning ahead to avoid problems. Pleasing other people takes time. Busy. Busy. Busy. Make note of your schedule. If you don’t have one, make one. Look for the places where time disappears and begin to claim the precious minutes to add to your play time. Play time is really the sweetness of life. It’s when you give yourself permission to do what your soul yearns to do. You honor yourself. When you value the play time, you add value to all the other parts of your life. Your health improves. Your relationships improve. You are more productive at work because you are happier. You sleep better. Your needs are met. Your desires are fulfilled. You are more alive. Simple.