The control center of your life is your attitude. And your attitude is based on your thoughts and beliefs. Do you feel in control of your life?
As human beings, we have control issues. We think someone is trying to control us or we look for ways to control others. We lose control of our emotions. We feel controlled by our relationships. We feel out of control. Do you have control of your desires? Or are you able to focus on the consequences of your actions and therefore make a better decision?
Control can be a lonely issue to deal with when it’s all about controlling some part of yourself and your behaviors. We all strive for self-mastery.
Do you have control of your emotions? Do you find that you’re easily frustrated or volatile in your reactions to stressful situations? Is any part of your life out of control right now? Maybe it’s your weight. Do you binge on junk food or overeat? Or do you choose another way to nourish yourself? Maybe it’s your temper? Did you yell at your kids or somebody else you love? Sometimes we lose control and say things…or worse…do things… we later regret. We’re more likely to lose control of our emotions when we care. We have more to lose.
Do you have control of your spending? Often we buy things we can’t afford because we need to feel better about ourselves. When we spend a lot of money on ourselves, we feel “worth” it. We tell ourselves that “we work hard and we deserve it” even if we can’t afford it. Or maybe we spend money on others so they will like us or because we don’t give them enough of our time. Sometimes we spend money to “fit in” or be accepted. When you look outside of yourself for your value and worth, you will never be satisfied. You cannot buy enough to fill yourself up. When you lose control of your spending, you feel guilty. When you can’t pay your bills, you feel ashamed. You fear you will lose everything. So what have you really spent your money on? Not self-confidence or reward or pleasure…but fear, guilt and shame. Not a very worthwhile or satisfying investment, is it?
Even though your relationship with yourself is by far the most complicated relationship of all, the addition of another person or persons creates matters of control, dominance, authority and power. A relationship can become an issue of who is in control; who is taking control; and who is giving it up…a position that may be constantly changing.
Romantic relationships make things even more complicated. Groucho Marx said, “Man doesn’t control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.” Okay, sometimes it is the woman who controls the relationship and sometimes it is the man. But Someone in the relationship is more in control than the other. Consider who calls the shots about the hows, whens and wheres of sex and you may be able to learn who is really in control of the relationship!
When you love and accept yourself as you are, nothing else matters. Stop looking outside of yourself for acceptance. When you truly value yourself, you are in control of your life.
I think we always have control over what we are thinking about, including the decision to stop thinking about something which disturbs us. Yes, it’s difficult to switch your thoughts from a negative to a positive, but when you do make that choice, you feel so much better. Perhaps if each of us was really in control of our self and our own sense of joy, we wouldn’t need to try to control others to make ourselves feel more powerful, more necessary, or more in control.
It may feel as if you have no control over your life…but I want you to consider this… Once you make the decision to think about what feels best, you take control and move toward what you want. Open your mind to the idea that the life you lead is based on the simple every day choices you make. You can choose your actions and your reactions in order to create a more joyful life. You can always take control of your thoughts!