Patricia Lynn Belkowitz, M.Msc., C.Ht., EFT

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Do you love and accept yourself? Some may answer with a resounding “yes!”, while others may hesitate. Maybe you could agree that you love yourself, but perhaps you’re not in agreement with the acceptance part. That one is a little more difficult for most of us. We think we could be better. Smarter. More attractive. Maybe you make some judgments about your physical appearance. You don’t like your weight or the condition of your body. Your legs are too short. Your belly is too fat. You’ve always been self-conscious about your nose. Maybe you’re just old. Or you judge your financial status, your career or something else that doesn’t measure up to your beliefs about who you “should” be.

We judge ourselves based on the images and information we receive from our family and our society. We are all programmed to be who we are. We decide how we measure up to others. We give ourselves a rating from 0 to 10. We determine if we are worthy enough to find a mate. Or to even get a date! We are reminded of it every year around Valentine’s Day. Do you realize that 80% of finding someone comes down to being your most attractive self? This means that if you are being the best you by taking care of yourself, being well-nourished and growing in your life, you will radiate joy. Being joyful is very attractive! The remaining 20% is simply putting yourself in places where you can meet the right people.

Our society encourages us to judge and compare ourselves to the overt sexual messages around us. Reality shows have been created where multiple contestants vie for the attention of one member of the opposite sex. You know the ones I’m referring to. Judgment and competition is encouraged. And rewarded. Sexual images abound on TV and in movies. Even puppets/Muppets are sex symbols. The Kardashian family has created an empire based on Kim’s sex tape. Sex is rampant in our society. Unfortunately, intimacy is not. We like to watch others and make judgments. We like to judge sexuality. We decide if someone is dressed “too sexy” or if they are “too fat” or “too thin” or “too young” or “too old” to even be considered sexy. If talking about our sexuality makes us anxious and fearful, how can we expect to be comfortable with enjoying it?

Sexuality can be a part of us where our acceptance of our self is a bit fuzzy. Lines are blurred. We have been programmed by many different images and stories. We have developed desires. What we learned at home or at our place of worship may conflict with the media images which fill our world. Your subconscious mind is in control of your fears and inhibitions. Your thoughts are reinforcing your beliefs which are creating your perceived limitations. Your past programming is responsible for your present pleasure. What excites you (or doesn’t); how you get excited (or fail to be aroused); who excites you and why, are all pieces of the puzzle.

In my practice of helping others to achieve health and well-being, I focus on encouraging and building self-love and self-acceptance. Self-confidence is a wonderful side effect of love and acceptance. Through the power of the subconscious mind, you can align with a new and improved version of your self. You can learn to let go of false beliefs. You can learn to love and accept all aspects of your magnificent self. That’s when true “sexy” happens! Are you ready to embark on a journey of discovery to find increased intimacy and pleasure? All you need to do is give yourself permission.