A voice was silenced this week. A voice fueled by anguish and pain. Chester Bennington, a singer and songwriter who was the front man for the group Linkin Park, was found dead by suicide at the age of 41. Chester led a troubled life which included drug and alcohol abuse. The troubles began as a child. His parents divorced. He suffered sexual abuse. He was beaten. Life was not fun.
Earlier this year in an interview with Music Choice, he said. “My whole life, I’ve just felt a little off. I find myself getting into these patterns of behaviour or thought – especially when I’m stuck up here [in my head]; I like to say that, ‘This is like a bad neighbourhood, and I should not go walking alone.’”
How is the neighborhood in your head? Is it a scary place where you can get lost in self-ridicule and punishment? Are you afraid to walk down Memory Lane? Unable to confront the demons who may live there? Maybe you learned to escape the neighborhood in the same way that Chester escaped… with substance abuse. Or maybe you escaped in a different way.
The neighborhood in your head may be occupied by a committee who judges you. You are never good enough. “You should do this.” “You better not do that.” The committee may be made up of your parents, your boss, your spouse. The committee may be as large as an entire set of cultural beliefs and religious rules. It could be as small as your own ego. The committee may give you the wrong directions so you end up in a place you didn’t intend to go. Your neighborhood may be confusing place where the streets are not clearly marked; a place where you can lose your way. Your neighborhood may be made of one way streets and dead-ends. It may be very small and limited by the beliefs of the committee.
Chester knew that he “should not go walking alone.” But he did. When the neighborhood in your head is a really bad neighborhood, perhaps it would be best to share the thoughts with someone outside the neighborhood. Someone who has a different perspective; someone who knows a detour route around the bad side of town. It’s a good idea to check in with someone who doesn’t live in the neighborhood. They may know things you don’t know.
Remember you created the neighborhood. You may have created it intentionally. It may have been created by default. You moved in. You can move out. You decided what to bring along and what to leave behind. You can tear things down and you can build new things. The neighborhood is created by your thoughts and the pattern of your thoughts. When you repeat thoughts to yourself, over and over again, something happens. Whether these thoughts are true or not, you accept them as your truth. These thoughts become your beliefs. You act on your beliefs. When you choose to focus on the good thoughts…when you follow the wise advice of Mr. Rogers, “it’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood.”
When you were born, you did not come with an instruction manual. You were not given a map to show you how to get around the bad neighborhoods. You made your way the best way you knew how. If you’re feeling the neighborhood in your head needs some redevelopment, perhaps you need someone to walk along with you…until you can make it a safer place to be. I’ll hold your hand.